The Beginning of Becoming a Transman

It's been forever since I have been able to write here. I feel like my life has become so insignificant that it ain't worth a few words on a virtual journal. Then again, I have been so busy that I have no time to write.

Things in my life has started to take a very strange, exciting and bold turn. For the first time in my life I have decided to do something about being a female-to-male (FTM) transgendered person. All this while I have only just had girlfriends and explained my gender issues to whoever would take the time to understand and listen.

However a trip to Saigon changed my life. I shall write more about insearchofSaigon in my next post but for now, just how the trip changed my life. Check here for pictures. Sadly I'm not in most pictures cause I was taking them.

Everyone called me Audrey at the begining of the trip though Nadia and Lochna were the only 2 out of three people who call me by an androgeneous name 'Jamie' thanks to Ada from Australia. Then out of the blue, Sabrina asked if I would like to be called Jamie and use male pronouns on me on the first few days of the trip. I was of course surprised. Then on a different occassion, Farah asked the same thing. I knew then something had leaked from Loe or Nadia. But, I was not upset. Their concern and sensitivity made me welcome the change.

Thus, when we went to Mekong Delta, news had already spread throughout the group that I am a transman and that I would like people to use male pronouns on me and in fact I was more than welcoming a male name.

After some thought, deliberation and trials, finally everyone settled on the name Nathaniel, in short, Nate. It came at the best of times because I had just bought a chest binder thanks to some extra moolah I scraped together, from Double-T.

So, in Vietnam, I tried out the humble beginnings of being a dude. I pulled it of somewhat until I go to the washroom. My nightmare because I cannot decide which to go to, the gents or ladies. And I realize whichever I go into, there will be stares. In Vietnam, I didn;t care but now back in Monash, things aren't going as smoothly as I would like it to so I have been using the handicapped washroom.

Today I learned about STP devices or Stand-to-Pee devices that allow me to well, stand and pee. I am considering getting down to using one. I didn't know transition was so difficult.

Next step is gonna be a huge one. Testosterone.