RAMBLINGS OF A FOOL

The Beginning of Becoming a Transman

2011-07-31T02:09:00.005+08:00

It's been forever since I have been able to write here. I feel like my life has become so insignificant that it ain't worth a few words on a virtual journal. Then again, I have been so busy that I have no time to write.

Things in my life has started to take a very strange, exciting and bold turn. For the first time in my life I have decided to do something about being a female-to-male (FTM) transgendered person. All this while I have only just had girlfriends and explained my gender issues to whoever would take the time to understand and listen.

However a trip to Saigon changed my life. I shall write more about insearchofSaigon in my next post but for now, just how the trip changed my life. Check here for pictures. Sadly I'm not in most pictures cause I was taking them.

Everyone called me Audrey at the begining of the trip though Nadia and Lochna were the only 2 out of three people who call me by an androgeneous name 'Jamie' thanks to Ada from Australia. Then out of the blue, Sabrina asked if I would like to be called Jamie and use male pronouns on me on the first few days of the trip. I was of course surprised. Then on a different occassion, Farah asked the same thing. I knew then something had leaked from Loe or Nadia. But, I was not upset. Their concern and sensitivity made me welcome the change.

Thus, when we went to Mekong Delta, news had already spread throughout the group that I am a transman and that I would like people to use male pronouns on me and in fact I was more than welcoming a male name.

After some thought, deliberation and trials, finally everyone settled on the name Nathaniel, in short, Nate. It came at the best of times because I had just bought a chest binder thanks to some extra moolah I scraped together, from Double-T.

So, in Vietnam, I tried out the humble beginnings of being a dude. I pulled it of somewhat until I go to the washroom. My nightmare because I cannot decide which to go to, the gents or ladies. And I realize whichever I go into, there will be stares. In Vietnam, I didn;t care but now back in Monash, things aren't going as smoothly as I would like it to so I have been using the handicapped washroom.

Today I learned about STP devices or Stand-to-Pee devices that allow me to well, stand and pee. I am considering getting down to using one. I didn't know transition was so difficult.

Next step is gonna be a huge one. Testosterone.

If I could...

2011-05-26T20:02:00.002+08:00

If I could make a wish...

Boy, would I wish so many things.

If I could...

I would have sang to you at your bedside...

I would have read you Psalms...

I would have written for you to read.

If I could...

I would have turned back time...

I would have spoken to you more...

I would have cared more.

If I could...

I would have sung at your funeral...

I would have ignored my parents and went back...

I wouldn't have missed your funeral.

If I could...

I would have told you I loved you too.

I can't...can I?

Not now...

Not anytime soon...

Perhaps not ever.

If I could...

Superb Day!!!

2011-03-03T00:13:00.001+08:00

I got a D3100 Nikon from my girlfriend.

I got 3 t-shirts which are super cheap...seriously!

I found out I passed post-co!

How to roll your own cigarettes

2011-01-13T04:07:00.007+08:00

Disclaimer: This is NOT meant to encourage smoking. It's merely a blogpost.

As of late, instead of saving time and hassle, I've begun to roll my own cigarettes.

Why?

Simply because it IS a HASSLE and it IS TIME CONSUMING. Therefore, I would be put off whenever I crave a puff because smoking has become altogether one very troublesome process.

It is also considerably cheaper, if it's a no-frills rolling.

But, then again, I always go the "extra-mile".

_____

First, we start out with a roller.

Now the thing about rollers is, if you have steady hands to roll, it really isn't at all necessary.

Unfortunately, thanks to certain arm-strengthening contraption, I'm stricken with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on my left hand and a recovering-after-release-procedure, right hand.

Everything I bought here comes from Kamelah at Queensbay Mall, Lower Ground, Center Court.

This roller is by Smoking a cigarette rolling paper brand from Spain. It is one of the earliest smoking paper factories.

Smoking not only produces rolling papers, but an array of products like the rolling machine (which I bought), filters (which I also purchased) and other cigarette related products like cases and tubes.

Of course there are other brands out there such as Zig-Zag. However, I chose Smoking simply because it looked nicer than the very plastic looking one from Zig-Zag.

As you can see it looks pretty nice with stainless-steel instead of just plastic.

A little dusty cause I've been using it. (",)

Currently in Malaysia, there aren't many places that sell tobacco. If I'm not mistaken Kamelah is the monopoly company for everything from Porsche lighters to Sampoerna kereteks.

Finding rolling tobacco isn't that daunting a task since 7-Eleven, KK Mart and Happy Marts carries Domingo and Harvest brands.

However when you want a little more than those two brands and flavours that aren't as common as Vanilla and Chocolate, Kamelah would be the best place to check out.

Below, as you can see, I purchased some Wildberry flavoured tobacco cause it smells so fruity, it's almost like I'm smoking a hookah.

Here's what you need to start rolling your own cigarettes and then some...

1. Smoking Regular Filters - RM 7.50 (pack of 100)

2. Smoking Rolling Machine - RM20

3. Harvest Rolling Tobacco (comes with rolling paper) - RM11.90 (probably 70-80 cigs)

4. Mantra Grape Flavoured Rolling Papers (also by Smoking) - RM 7.50 (50 leaves)

Now where was I? Oh, yes! The roller.

First, open the roller forward so the logo faces outwards.

You will see a valley in the middle.

At the far left of the valley, place a filter as below.

The tobacco by Harvest is already one of Von Eicken's special fine cut tobacco.

However, I find it a little too large when I pack it and not to mention it burns a little too inconsistently.

So, I usually get out some paper and ready a scissors and snip the tobacco slightly finer.

Here's the before.

And here's the after.

Can't really see the difference but trust me, it burns way differently.

Now, back to the rolling machine.

What happens is directly after the filter, start filling in the tobacco to the end.

Make sure it is not too tightly or too loosely packed.

A loosely packed cigarette rolls into a small tube which looks like an anorexic fag.

And if it's too tightly packed, you would blow a lung trying to suck out the smoke.

Here's a nicely filled one.

Right after filling it, push the valley lower and bring the cover back to its original position.

This should cover the roller furthers from you.

Roll the front roller downwards one full cycle.

Next, get a rolling paper and with the glue strip at the top facing you, insert the bottom part of the paper between the two rollers.

Yes, I know, I know!

The paper looks damn girly!

But it smells better than Hubba Bubba!

With the paper slightly wedged in between the two rollers, slowly pull downward the roller closest to you.

When the paper is nearing the glue strip, moisten the strip with your tongue and continue rolling a little more till you can feel a proper cigarette tube being formed between the rollers.

And WHALLA!

Front view.

As I mentioned earlier that I'm a little 'extra', I bought a secondary filter.

I have been rolling with double filters because it was a little hard on my throat when I first rolled my own ciggies.

I just bought the secondary filters for RM 20 which contains one holder and 8 filters good for 120 cigarettes.

With all the hassle, from 7 sticks a day, I'm down to at most 4 sticks a day.

Here's the cigarette with the extra filter.

It comes in a nice slick case.

Made in Japan.

Here's a closeup of my Mantra grape.

It fits perfectly in a slide below the rolling machine for convenience.

I'm hoping to cut smoking completely by slowly cutting down stick by stick.

On the downside (for my health)/ upside (cause I always wanted one), I bought myself a hookah!

C'est la vie!

She sees faces everywhere.

2010-12-23T06:08:00.003+08:00

Ying can be creepy!

She seems to see a face in everything.

Do you see what she sees?

Check out below.

Creepy right?

This isn't even half of it!

VII: ...random randomness...

2010-12-23T05:09:00.005+08:00

At the Curve Damansara, I encountered something I have never before.

Love at first sight!

I couldn't take my eyes off.

Simple yet elegant and sporty all rolled into a superb package.

No, it isn't someone.

It's a watch from French Connection.

Below, the one right smack in the middle.

Love it!

You may not think much of it but boy, oh boy, I do!

I did go back when I had the cash to perhaps buy it but, damn someone beat me to it.

Emo-ness!

On an entirely different (that's why this blogpost is called 'random'), Deepak, Ying and I went to a place called Tutti Frutti.

It's a self-service shop that sells frozen yogurt.

It works like this...

Take a paper cup, fill it with whatever flavour you want, put some topping and get it weighed in.

So, like little kids, we went all excited and got ourselves yummy frogurt.

The price for 2 cups?

RM54!!!

MADNESS!!!

Even JCo gives so much more for so much less!

The worst part...

It wasn't even that great!

JCo ROCKS!

When I do have the mood and time, I usually cook.

This is the last meal I cooked in KL before coming back to Penang.

Ying and Loe's favourite!

Spaghetti ala pork!

NO BEEF!

Did I tell you that I learned swimming?

Yup, that's right.

Ying has been coaching me...in the baby pool!

I managed to learn how to move forward.

But I still have difficulty learning breathing techniques.

I do go to the adult pool now and then and try my best.

Still phobic but I am determined to learn!

Me in the kids pool.

Yes, it's that shallow.

Monopoly Deal has become very much a part of our lives since Regina introduced it to us last year.

My car has a deck of Monopoly Deal, Uno and poker cards...amongst other weird things like paper cups, lotsa wet tissues and...you know what? I don't really know what's in my glove compartment!

But yeah, when we play it in the room, I'm usually in weird positions.

The one below is called the roasted chicken position by Ying.

Really meh?!?!?

Before Ying and I left, we had dinner with Loe at the Gardens, Curve Damansara.

See! Ying is eating pasta again!

Always pasta!!!

Loe wanted a pic with the Avatar guy but was too shy!

LOL!

Ying tricked her and pretended to be in the pic while slowly inching away!

I also bought Ying a new phone.

Sort of an early birthday gift.

Guess which is hers?

The Xperia x10 mini.

It's not bad la the price.

RM 890 if I remember correctly.

Original...not AP!

Sadly the back cover only came in white and another in pink!

I got myself a BlackBerry Curve.

And loving it!

Well, goodbye for now KL!

Till the end of February.

Vol VI: Malacca...again...and again...and again...

2010-12-23T03:35:00.007+08:00

Date: 30/9/2010

Place: Malacca

It really seems like every year a MUST be made to the old heritage town be it for food or just visiting museums. Lately it's been mostly about food...I must admit.

So this year, Ying, Loe and Regina was my entourage to Malacca.

We first made our mandatory stop to have Chicken Rice Balls.

It's kinda the first trip, be it short or long to anywhere with Ying.

With Loe around, it became kinda a housemate thing.

No I'm not complaining because I invited Regina to come along too.

Here is the chicken.

And NO! I'm not trying to strangle Ying. It just looks that way.

Here's Loe and Regina makaning.

And my dear.

The food.

And ME!

Damn! Deepak!!! When are we gonna hit the gym? I'm twice Ying's size already!

Here's where we makaned the chicken rice ball.

As we walked onto Jonker Street, we passed a printing mill.

Was too shy to go in and ask to take pictures so I just took one from outside.

I know, I'm a little weird but I really had to take a picture of the public toilet!

Loe made her stop there.

Regina bought a sun hat and looked all touristy while Ying and Loe just looked like...themselves.

Next stop, the laksa and cendol place.

I keep choosing the same seat every time I visit this place. Dunno why also.

Ying and I kinda shared a cendol.

Loe had her own.

So did Regina.

Ying received terrible news as we were playing Monopoly Deal.

What the news is is not suitable for disclosure here.

I had the Nyonya laksa.

The happy couple.

This time around, we did something different.

We went to a pub and had Hoegaarden and Tiger (ya la, I'm a cheapskate!).

I ended up having both cause Loe hates drinking.

Lucky me! :D

Even Ying had a whole pint to herself.

Loved the trip.

Next year, I'll take another.

Fingers crossed.

Vol V:...some Indian...some Chinese...some me...

2010-12-23T03:08:00.005+08:00

Date: 27/9/2010 - 29/9/2010

Place: Taipan and Sunway Pyramid

Although it's very usual to drive around KL, somehow driving to somewhere near like Taipan has never really been in our itinerary.

So when I found a Nirvana's in Taipan, I just had to go there. Of course the yummy Indian sweets was one of the pulling factors. Unfortunately, they were out of Laddu and that's like my ONLY favourite Indian sweet.

We stayed for dinner tho.

He kept moving! I think he was a little camera shy. But here he is serving us curry and vegetables.

And rice.

Loe decided to eat with her fingers.

We opted out.

Ying isn't much of a fan of spicy food but somehow she managed to eat that night.

Mmmmm....mutton, chicken....fried bitter gourd.

Loe and Ying had mango lassi. Honestly, I HATE lassi...so masala tea it was for me.

Two days after we went to Pyramid and had Chinese herbal tea.

I was kinda out of fresh shirts to wear when Ying asked me to see if the shirt fits.....

It was a tiny baby-T...and of course it didn't!

Yup...not even a little.

Vol IV:...and then there were cats...

2010-12-22T06:11:00.006+08:00

Mornings are beautiful from the 22nd floor.

And by not having curtains in our room, we wake up to the sky and the sun in the morning.

Here's a glimpse of what we wake up to.

A mommy cat downstairs had a litter of kittens and we have been going down to play with them when we are super stressed.

Here's some pics of the cats.

Awwww....

Vol III:...and continues...

2010-12-22T04:32:00.006+08:00

On the rare occasion we have a carfull of people, we try to eat out. One fine day somehow, Bak Kut Teh drove our drooling-selves and grumbling tummies to ss14 for dinner. We all somehow look tired and....well...tired! Here's us...digging in!

Loe

Regina

Deepak

Ying

And yours truely!

On an entirely separate occassion, Loe, who doesn't eat beef suddenly blurted that she wanted Sweedish meatballs and we drove in the evening peak hour to Ikano.

Later we learned that Wui Jia had dinner waiting at home and Loe disclosed something we kinda knew all along but forgot...

NO BEEF!

Regardless, we had chicken and 4 of us shared a drink. Free flow mah! Damn cheapskate right? Eh, but we're students so...acceptable.

Everyone knows how I eat chicken right?

So here we were, Wui Jia had some chicken wings and it still had flesh on it.

Ying had some and cleaned it to the bone.

And I, I cleaned the bones!

Clockwise from left.

Wui Jia, Ying and I.

Being cheeky we decided to play a stupid trick. It was a week after Friday the 13th but we wrote that date on the plate.

A family went to our place after we left and they looked shocked! Like they haven't cleaned up the plates for a week. LOL!

On a separate occassion, Tiger was launching their new can and were giving out free beer at Asia Cafe from 5pm to 7pm.

Each person is given 4 cans.

But....you can line up as many times as you want.

Here's the line.

I managed to get 16 cans.

Why so little?

Only Ying and I went.

And we went at 6:30pm.

Oh well, I had beer for myself and guests when they come over.

Best part?

I didn't have to pay a cent for it.

Vol II: And so it continued...

2010-12-22T03:02:00.005+08:00

Date: 30/7/2010 - 10/8/2010

Place: KL

We had just moved into our new place at Casa Subang and things were going great.

That is until...

Just my luck every semester I'm bound to fall ill.

Semester 1: Fever and an inflamed appendix.

Semester 2: Fever and a H1N1 threat.

Semester 3: Food poisoning by Bonnie's cooking and a sprained back

Semester 4: Dengue scare and a sprained back

So, here I am, unfortunately in bed being attended by Ying. She froze wet towels to cool down my temperature.

So no choice. Had to go to University Hospital to screen for dengue. I was so sick that not only did I see a private GP, I actually had to go to the hospital twice for screening cause my fever was spiking and I had all the symptoms, in addition to the horrible pounding feeling at my temples.

Visits to UH is very regular, I might say. However, so were Deepak's visits to hospitals in KL. SDMC, DMC and finally UH.

While Ying and I were waiting for Deepak to get checked, I caught a sight that I just couldn't resist taking.

NO, I'm no pervert.

Butt...LOL...seriously...

AHAHHAHHAHAH!!!!!!

Yes, I've been told that Audrey is mean.

Mom decided to come visit for the weekend sometime in between those dates. Of course the primary reason was to pass me my "very expensive smarties" as she calls my meds.

Guess it was pretty fun.

We went for dinner at The Garden at the Curve.

Absolutely love that place!

Here's mom waiting to be served.

Yes, Ying bonding with my mom is important. I mean, she takes the time and I appreciate that. A lot.

Fake flowers never cease to amaze me. Why can't they put real flowers?

Cheap bastards.

Still, it has pretty good food for a reasonable price.

Hmm....I have no idea when this picture was taken but it is definitely by Ying.

Finally, after a reasonable wait, our food arrived. Mom had some garlic ginger fish which she said was better than she expected it to be.

Here's array of drinks. See if you can guess which belongs to whom. ;)

Ying had some pasta dish. She always seems to have a pasta dish.

ALWAYS!

And my steak was medium-rare and cooked to perfection.

The next day, mom was going back and we had some frozen yogurt at JCo's while waiting for the ever punctual Aeroline. No pun intended. They are really punctual!

I look like a blob!

Need to lose weight!

When Ying took this picture is a mystery but, can you see what she sees?

Ying is weird that way. Ying sees things in other things.

This we found on a wall somewhere.

Indeed they don't have education!

It's that time of year again...

2010-12-22T01:59:00.003+08:00

The absent winter chills don't deny me of cold feet

The Christmas carols remind me of that week

The decorations do not veil my heartbeat

The mistletoe does not make my heart skip

A thousand miles away

A thousand smiles away

Countless ways to say

It wasn't meant to be this way

Will it forever haunt me?

Will the season forever taunt me?

Hold you breath...

No don't breathe deeper

This is fact...

It sends me a shiver

Bonds have been severed

Ties have been broken

Strings have been cut

Words now unspoken

Need I remember it?

Could I forget it?

Christmas is here once again

My least favorite time of the year

Pop the champagne

Cheers with beer

And slowly, hopefully, usher in, a better year.

Just something I thought of.

2010-12-20T00:15:00.003+08:00

There are* two kind of homosexuals. One that finds religion and ends up hating themselves forever. And one that finds love and will never be alone.

-Audrey Samuel

*edited thanks to Deepak

Vol I: And so it went...

2010-12-13T21:06:00.009+08:00

I know, I know, it's been sometime since I last blogged. I guess, I just couldn't find the time to upload a whole bunch of pictures to rant and ramble about. So, since I have a little time on my hands now, here goes.

Date: 27/6/2010 - 16/7/2010

Place: On the way back to Penang Island and on the island itself and then again back to KL.

Before leaving the godforsaken Sun-U Residence, Ying decided to make a tower with rubbish.

Indeed, she is bit bit insane. But, that's what makes her...her...I guess.

On the way back, I really couldn't resist taking a picture.

Yes, I know it's dangerous and I promise not to do it again.

Oh, and it was raining!

Back on the island, mom took advantage of the fact that I'm back and we went on a makan spree!

Below, is at Gurney Drive hawker center.

Yum! Char Koey Teow, spiky shell and ham (cockles).

And refreshing sugar cane water to wash it all down.

Look la at my mom! So happy only!

I guess, it's been a long time coming but dad made me clear out the shoes that I no longer used.

Here they are...and i kidnapped my mom's Billabong slippers at the far end.

Threw them all.

And below, the slippers I had to throw out.

More food!

Bak Kut Teh at Air-Itam near Chung Ling.

Mmmmm!!!

As usual, see mom's contented face.

Didn't take that many pictures on my 3 week break but mom was happy la cause I took her out to makan at night.

Oh, yeah she can't see at night so, thus...

Below is a pic of an old bike an old man rode to Domino's Pizza at Crystal Point.

Cool right? Even the uncle looked cool.

He was inside ordering when I managed to take a pic.

Oh yes, during my trip back, red and white followed me home.

Jamd was always seen with a paw inside the container and looking at me innocently. By the time I reached to take a pic she would run and hide in fear of being scolded by me.

Here are the two.

They somehow like to travel like they're mirroring each other.

See! I told you!

Anyway, before I came back to Penang, my tyre gave out on my way back from LCCT when I went to drop off Janice.

I changed the tyre and drove all the way back to Penang on the spare. I know, it's dangerous but, I think I did a pretty good job at it.

Here's the tyre and how damaged it was.

I changed it like a day before I left back to KL.

On the way back, Deepak and I stopped somewhere in Ipoh for banana leaf rice.

It was quite yummy!

And it was on Deepak! YAY!

Got crab summore!

Deepak and his food.

My leaf.

Finally, back in KL and just paid for the deposit at Casa Subang.

And Deepak, Ying and I went for Hoegaarden!

And that's the summary of the 3 week break.

(",)

Oh, did I mention, I broke my brand new glasses the first back in KL?

Yeah, I did. Oh well....

What needs to be said.

2010-10-15T00:59:00.003+08:00

Everyday when I feel a little bit less of a person,

When I wonder if anything worth doing got done,

You, you are changing my world one little heartbeat at the time,

Making history with every touch and every smile.

Oh you, you may not see it now,

But I believe that time will tell,

How you, you were changing my world,

One little heartbeat at the time.

6 months

2010-10-14T04:53:00.002+08:00

And so, we've been together for 6 months now.

I'm swamped by assignments.

Somehow, not really looking forward to summer break.

Will update when I have the time.

Gum

2010-09-05T14:35:00.003+08:00

At the library,

I chewed a big wad of gum,

It was so minty.

Sunday afternoon,

I am at the library,

I'm a nerdy geek.

Hunger just set in,

What should we have for dinner?

I hope it's pizza.

Should I go home now?

Or should I just stay and wait?

I feel very bored.

Assignments are due,

I have procrastinated,

I am so damn screwed.

Just how I feel.

2010-08-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

Name:	Audrey
Date:	Tuesday 10th 2010f August 2010 10:37:46 AM
Colorgenics Number:	1/2/7/3/6/5/0/4/

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

Stresses resulting from a recent disappointment have led to considerable trepidation. It would seem that there seems to be so much left undone. Everything surrounds you with that air of uncertainty. You badly need to feel a sense of security and whatever it takes to protect you against further disappointment. At this particular time you doubt that things could be any better in the future but you are sticking to your guns and refusing to take advice from any source.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

A Promise Made

2010-07-11T17:24:00.002+08:00

My dad and I were having a conversation while he was reading Motor Trader and he made a promise to me.

But, the condition is that I would have to drop my weight drastically.

So, Starting August, I'm gonna work for the promise.

He promised something good. That's all I can say.

From Laundry to the Garden

2010-07-05T14:56:00.009+08:00

As some of you know, I spent 3 days in hospital, 1 of which was on the day of my INT paper.

Of course I did get special consideration and will be taking it in August.

I took my COM paper though.

Janice had gone back and Jassie needed a favour to go to Laundry at the Curve to wait for a stash of some green.

So, there we were, at Laundry when Ying had a paper in two days (21st June).

It was a long wait but Jassie supplied me with two bottles of Tiger and I bought a nice lighter off a Marlboro hostess.

Here Ying looks like she just downed a shot of some kinda spirit but really, all she had was water.

Me and a Tiger!

I know this post is mostly about places at the Curve, Damansara, but, it was kinda our date thing. You see, because we lived together, dating was never really a thing.

Sure, we ate together, but it was usually delivered and eaten while watching on the laptop in our room.

So, the fact was as soon as Ying's paper ended we went for a kinda 'date'-like outing.

We couldn't decide what to eat and settled for MED or Mediterranean food at SS15.

If you ever go there, don't order the set meal!

The grilled chicken chop set was horrendous!

Over spiced and over battered, it tasted like powdered chicken.

The pudding was nice though.

Soup was standard.

But the drinks, well, it looked like detergent.

And tasted like it too!

The following day, we went to the Pyramid at Sunway to kinda just walk around.

Oh wait, no, I went there to collect a small parcel my parents sent through the kind driver of Aeroline for just coffee-money (duit kopi).

Once we collected it we walked around and ended up at a tea shop.

The prices for the leong cha was about RM 1.50 - RM 2.

We sat ourselves down and discovered the Kwai Ling Ko which is translated to 'Turtle Jelly'.

We ordered us a couple only to find out it costs RM 8 a bowl!

Had to eat slowly to appreciate the expensive jelly.

I poured lotsa sugar in mine.

The next day, we did the usual, a meal and a movie kinda outing.

Toy Story 3 in 3D was awesome!

But the thing at the Curve that I am currently hooked on is The Garden.

We ordered a teapot of Pink Rose Tea.

Ying had the Aglio Olio.

Here's another shot of the tea and our 'pitcher' of water.

I had the Marinara.

I have to admit, the food was pretty good.

Was a little worried that the portion would be small so I ordered wings.

But, the portion was just nice and we ended up over-full or as Ying would call me, a seahorse (big belly, big butt).

Was hard to get a good shot of Ying while she was stuffing her face. =P

Ah, beautiful fake flowers.

I liked The Garden so much that we went back the next day to have tea, a slice of cake and to read.

The cake was rich and yummy but the Lavander tea should not even be on the menu!

Bitter!!!!

We're going down the list of teas and for now, Pink Rose tea is the best of the two.

This and more, at the Curve Damansara.

Like advertisement only!

For Jassie's birthday, I didn't really feel like clubbing at Zouk, but, she called in a birthday favour.

To take her to Zouk and back.

And that's what Ying an I did. But we spent our time waiting at NZ having teh-o ice and some food I forgot about and just played Monopoly Deal.

Deepak and Jin couldn't make it for the Zouk thing I guess, since no one answered my text.

The next day, we went back to the Curve and I don't even remember why!

But I had ice-cream!

The day ended, and so did our short dating spree.

Now, just to wait till we get back to our new room at PalmVille.

Fixing a Broken Heart

2010-07-05T14:25:00.003+08:00

With a start, I woke up around 2am last night and wrote a lengthy blog-post only to publish it then delete it. Why? Cause it would have been one of the most unfair things I ever said.

My awakening was not pleasant. I awoke only to be dragged down the deep, dark pit of my memories. And for a moment, I could not distinguish reality from illusion. I kept wondering if my dreams were in fact reality and reality was actually just a dream.

The reason I deleted it was because I realized that regardless of the hurt I've been carrying around in the form of shattered pieces, I had a lot to thank from that hurt. To know happiness is to know pain. For the first time, I am able to walk hand-in-hand wherever I go with that someone I care about. Openly declare a relationship without having to hide behind close doors only to leave my friends wondering and assuming.

I must admit, she knows how to fix a broken heart. Slowly, but, I believe, it's getting there. After all, she has a lot of Scotch Tape to hold the pieces temporarily.

Here's a song that put me to sleep around 3am last night.

Sun-U Residence in Sunway Holds People Against Their Will

2010-06-22T06:14:00.007+08:00

As a student, the last thing we want to worry about is housing. But, Sunway's Sun-U Residence is, in my opinion, the most troublesome place to stay in.

Like all hostels, we have curfew hours. But have you heard of a place that denies your right to LEAVE the premises?

This is what happened.

*****

It was around 2am when a friend of mine Jassie asked for a lift because her friend was sakit or in pain. Of course my first reaction was not to ask what kind of pain and just take her to the clinic or hospital. So I rushed to my car in my sleeping attire and rushed out to the guardhouse so I could pick Deepak who agreed to accompany me. I reached the guardhouse with my car and in an emergency situation when the guard in-charge Indra came out and asked where I was I going and why so late. I explained the situation in the most polite manner a person in an emergence can sound.

After a few short radio conversations, he told me there is no way I was leaving the premise. So, I asked the guard to call the warden in-charge for the night with hopes that perhaps someone from a higher management would understand the urgency of the situation and let me out. So 10 minutes was already talking to the guards and now I had to explain everything again to the warden. My patience was running thin.

The warden one Mr.Tina, said that as a hostelite I don't know the rules and that we are not allowed out after 12. I was fuming. I explained the urgency of the situation and how we are just students, away from home and only had each other to rely on. Furthermore, I am 27 and the eldest and I have a sense of responsibility. Then that fella said that Jassie's friend could call an ambulance if it is really that urgent.

I'm sure many of you have seen the advertisements on TV where a fine and bill will be imposed should the situation of the patient not be as severe as to call for one.

But here he was, this ignorant fool of a man saying "I'm sure her parents would be willing to pay as long as she's well."

The girl is from Kazakhstan by the way and has only been around long enough to have a good impression on the 'friendly' Malaysian society.

So there I was talking to this inconsiderate man through the receiver of the phone trying to knock some sense into him. He said things about rules as hostelite and that if I were in his position I would do the same. I angrily said, I would never be in a situation like because I had consideration, a sense of humanity and that if it were his child in a foreign country and ill and the only friend he knows is prevented from leaving the hostel wouldn't he be angered by the inconsideration. He said, "No, because rules are rules!"

At that moment, after half an hour of talking to the idiot on the phone, he finally said I could leave but I would have to immediately terminate my stay the next morning. Did I agree? DID I HAVE A CHOICE?

At this point Deepak raised his voice because of the stupidity of the situation and the warden asked why he couldn't go instead. I told him that he did not know how to drive a manual car. Again he refused to let me out and in a fit of rage, I slammed the receiver and asked Deepak to push up the palang and gate so I could rush out. The security guard's senior scolded him for his stupidity of bringing in the management. But, milk has been spilt and what has been done has been done. Even damage control couldn't help the situation.

*****
That's in a nutshell what happened that night.

Day before yesterday I was visited by that one Mr.Tina and he handed me a rule book and said I will be evicted if broke one more rule.

I take that as a warning.

But, see I came back and started to read the rules regarding late night passes (curfew).

Here they are.

1. Hostelites should return to the Hostel by mid-night on weekdays. On Friday, Saturday and eves of public holidays they should return by 3:00am of the folowwing day provided he/she has a late night pass. The late night pass is available at the Hostel management Office during office hours. Hostelites are to produce their late night passes and hostel card to the Security Guards on returning to the hostel.

2. Hostelites returning in the early hours of the morning are to follow all the rules and regullations of the hostel, such as not making too much noise.

3. Hostelites who return after the stipulated time for whatever reasons will have their Hostel Cards taken away for record purposes and may be returned to them later. However please note that they will first be summoned by the Hostel Management and the following actions may be taken.

(First to third offences and consequences stated.)

*****

Here's what''s wrong with the rule, they all say 'RETURN' and not 'LEAVE'.

Which roughly means, I am able to leave the premises.

However, their refusal to let me leave is actually 'holding me against my will' which amounts to kidnapping.

Because I am not liable to be held anywhere without an official warrant or signed letter from the enforced body of law especially if I have committed no crime.

There was no crime committed.

And if there was, the Management of Sunway's very expensive student 'condominiums', the people at Sun-U Residence had committed a crime last Thursday on the 11th of June 2010.

*****

On a similar note, not this.

For a twin sharing room at Sun-U Residence, approximately 11feet by 13, it costs RM650 per person.

And for a single room, which is about 10feet by 11, it costs RM880.

If you have a car, a sticker would cost you RM50 per month.

Even if you DO have a sticker to park your car at the shaded parking lot, there's no guarantee that you would have a place to park because in the daytime Sun-U Residence lets out their car park for Sunway staff which makes it a little pointless paying RM50 a month.

*****

Yes, I hate it here.

Sun-U Residence is a nice place with crappy management that possess people with NO people skills whatsoever.

Episodes

2010-06-14T06:44:00.002+08:00

There has been no particular reason as to why sometimes my mood dips so dangerously low. I mean other than the bipolar disorder, my life is pretty okay right now.

Yet there's a nagging feeling of unsatisfactoriness (Yes, the word does exist!).

So, I'm going to check off what's wrong and what's right.

Things that have gone wrong.

My tyre broke apart while I was driving back from KLIA to Sunway.
I realised that from a Distinction paper, I was marked down to a Credit because I handed my assignment late due to a ligament tear.
My two cousins, Joshin and Joshua (now known as Azwadi Aznil Nithia and Azwari Aznan Nithia Azlan Nithia Abdullah) passed away with their half-sister in an accident.
I did not do too well in my Post-colonial and Diasporic Literature exam.
My cat has bad gingivitis and needs a weekly jab that costs RM35.
I fought with Sun-U Residence guards and warden because they would not let me out past curfew to take my friend to the doctor. They basically held me captive against my basic human rights.
Just as I have gotten accustomed to the Nokia 5800, I lose it in the toilet of Station 1 in Sunway. Sigh, dishonest people, won't even give me back my phone.
My car road tax expires on June the 17th.
My allowance is not in yet.
I am constantly sleepy.

Things that have gone right.

I'm starting to study earlier than I'm used to.
There are people who care about me.
Our two guppies that have yet to die even after 2 weeks.
I finished a short novel that frustrated me because of its intense predictability.

Ok, so things have been rough. But I would assume my medication would help me elevate my mood and perhaps stabilize it.

It is not so.

I see myself slowly but surely falling into a deep dark pit.

A rut.

That is going to be hard to get out of.

Give me a manic episode any day.

Pensive

2010-06-07T04:10:00.004+08:00

Writing on my blog gives me a simmilar equation to writing things in stone. Which is why, sometimes I believe that the unwritten, is the unresolved. Perhaps it is not the perfect time to say somethings. Perhaps, it is. But, there's no time like now (10 hours away from sending in my FTV Visual Test). It always seems like my mind wonders when urgency is required. Then again all procrastinators seem to work this way. The ticking of the clock gives way to a thought that has been tucked neatly away.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to breathe without you.
My breath is smoky now, but I breathe.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to smile without you.
The edges of my eyes are wrinkled, but I laugh.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to trust without you.
I am pessimistic, but I try.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to go on without you.
It took time, but I live.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to find another you.
I still do, but I found someone different.

In all honesty, I really believed that I would never be able to turn away and say that I'm doing fine without you.
I am not fine, but I'm well.

Because I learned.

Because I grew.

Because I welcomed in life, after you.

Melancholic as this blog entry may seem, all is not sad.

Do I miss you?
A little less everyday.
Do I think of you?
A little less each day.

Not because I have had a year to think.
Not because I have someone.
Not because I forget.
And, no I do not regret.

But because I learned.

Because I grew.

Because I welcomed in life, after you.

Melancholic as this blog entry may seem, all is not sad.

I have learned to be honest to myself.
I have grew in emotion and mind.
I welcomed a breath of new air.

Melancholic as this blog entry may seem, all is not sad.

I am not new.
I have not changed.
I am not in tears.
Though, I have not erased.

Melancholic as this blog entry may seem, all is not sad.

Because, I don't replace my past.
I learned.
Because, I accept my present.
I grew.
Because, I moved on.
I welcomed in life, after you.

Melancholic as this blog entry may seem, all is not sad.

A quote over shisha.

2010-06-07T04:03:00.001+08:00

"Don't spend all your time wondering what you are or who you like or whether it's right for you or wrong for you. Just let yourself be happy before you find yourself alone."

-Callie Torres (Grey's Anatomy)

Total Eclipse of the Heart MV

2010-05-30T23:33:00.003+08:00

Ok, ok, so here's the deal. It's not like I'm absolutely crazy about the song or anything but Deepak showed me two clips of the song.

The original one left me thinking WTF?!?! And the second one just left me laughing in that weird strangled-dog wheezing laughter that I do when I'm truely tickled.

Anyway, enjoy both. It's the same, but not quite the same.

Regardless, IMHO, both just blows any sane person's mind. What were they thinking man when they made the music video?!?!? GOSH!

And...the funny one...

Procrastinating Ramblings

2010-05-18T03:32:00.004+08:00

So, it's been some time since I've even tried to put up a new blogpost. Then again it's not like I've been too 'happening' to blog. Even worse, the only time I actually get out of the room is to get dinner and juice (which I might add, I'm drinking by the cartons per day).

Anyway, here I am, at the brink of losing a title that I 'might' get of I finish my work by today. Ying decided if in 4 days I can finish 4 assignments, I am officially entitled the title of 'God' and I'll get pizza and a girlfriend who is willing to learn pool for me. Big thing for me. But here I am, 1500 words left for my INT and 2500 words for my Post-Co literature. 4000 words in total and only a grand total of 780 minutes.

Thanks to my weird sleeping hours, I am currently 'overdue' for my FTV because I couldn't wake up to hand it up. Damn! Damn! And double damn!

After all this is over and done with, I've to go back to Penang for my checkup on Monday before I can officially take a break and rest. And by rest, I mean to actually take Ying out somewhere and maybe have dinner, movie and a quiet evening. Maybe breakfast. I love breakfast. Been sometime since I've last had breakfast. Maybe a weekend getaway to Malacca.

On a good note, I met up with Temme last Wednesday after 2 years! Yes, TWO YEARS! We caught up a lil with beer and cigarettes. It was nice seeing an old friend after so long. Grateful too that she replied my text and agreed to meet for a drink. Been too long. Way too long.

I've been having a bad diarrhea for the past 4 days now. Not too sure if it's the food I'm eating, the water I'm drinking, the cigarettes I've been smoking or the hours I've been keeping. But, damn! Yesterday it was so bad that nothing was left inside me to come out. Just orange sacs that I swallowed greedily with my orange juice. Sunkist makes the best OJ. Peel Fresh has milk in it so, bad for my lactose intolerant tummy. Hmm...two days ago I drank a carton of milk... Maybe that's the reason behind my bad stomach.

I've not been to class for two weeks now. Why? First was my bad back. Then had to go back to Penang for blood test. Then my assignments are keeping me up later than usual. On top of that, I keep procrastinating! All I want to do now is join my dear in deep sleep. But, no! Here I am trying to figure out how issues of history, memory and displacement are treated in the narrative of Crocodile Fury by Beth Yahp! I know what to write but my bipolar mind is constantly jumping around. On top of that I have to figure out something to write regarding Cold War Imperialism. Maybe I should have chosen Nationalism. Sigh! I need books but I can't wake up to get to the library to borrow them. And George Orwell's 1984 is teasing me from the shelf!

I am tired, really!

Oh, all my fishes died and I'm left with the latest edition, a pink fishie! Apparently it's carnivorous cause it ate an ant that decided to do a kamikaze stunt into the fish-wineglass-bowl-thing.

I know what I need, a massage! Half my size, I don't think Ying can handle my 'muscles'. I may not have lifted any weights or gone to the gym lately but by God, I still got a little workout by lifting my chair repeatedly, hoping to achieve 3 sets of 20 reps from a probably only 3.5kg chair. Lol! I didn't even break a sweat, which sucked because I could use some adrenalin pumping through my veins to belt out some words for my asses. Yes, they shall be called asses and not assignments because they are asses. Worse, they might even be the pain in the ass. God, I'm rambling!

Anyway, for Discourse and Imperialism, here I come!

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Ish!

Just get this done and you're free Aud! Freedom...here I come.

A few things I've been up to...

2010-05-07T03:16:00.002+08:00

I have a new craving.

Pappa Rich's Milo Dinosaur!

Oh, I was shopping at Carrefour when I saw a fabulous looking display of fishes.

I swear...I almost gave up eating fishes.

On a different note, Ying bought me fishes!

She bought 3, Janitor, Lieutenant and Captain.

We bought two more, Red Herring and Colonel.

Sadly, within a few days of having bought them stones and fake plants to create a nice environment, Lieutenant, Captain and Colonel passed onto Neptune's territory.

Ying doesn't want just two fishes cause she's afraid Janitor would die.

Oh, yes! Funny but true...

She was so thoughtful and bought glow-in-the-dark stars to put as base stones...

I opened a pack...and started pouring them in and then...

Guess what?

They all floated at the surface...

S expensive summore...RM9.90 per pack and she bought 2!

LOL!

It's the thought that counts. (",)

Sometimes the sky is nice...

2010-05-07T00:05:00.004+08:00

The trio reunites...after a long time.

2010-05-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

We headed to Cineleisure for 'Alice in Wonderland' in 3D!

It was sometime ago but now only got the chance to blog.

Look, look...Jin has joined the Birks group just when I left it for Teva.

Sometimes I don't know why I like taking pictures that make me look short.

I wanna be as tall as that!!!

Gundam shorter than me!

We ate at Italianese.

It was a very TASTEFUL event.

When will the next time be?

Just a little about her...

2010-05-06T23:19:00.004+08:00

Name : Chong Siew Ying
Age : 20
Birthday : 07.02.1990
Race : Chinese
University : Monash
Course : Business
Hometown : Johor Bahru
Height : 160cm
Weight : 47kg
Siblings : Elder Sister, Younger Brother
Likes : Pizza! Sushi! Any food with FREE Gifts!
Currently : Mine!

Looks good in my shirt.

I meant shirtS!

I am...BOXERMAN!

Apparently my sleepwalking persona has become some weird superhero.

Right now, we're eating horrible Jack n Jill potato crisps just to get football handphone charms.

Sleeping late.

2010-04-19T22:23:00.002+08:00

Lately, I have been falling asleep later and later. Just wanna make sure I'm there when she wakes up from a bad nightmare.

Scrap the last post...

2010-04-16T22:12:00.001+08:00

12th April, we got together. Some wishful thinking can only be granted if you say it out loud.

A few words to myself...

2010-04-13T00:54:00.002+08:00

Don't be stupid Aud!

Be an ass!

Be a jerk!

Be anything...just don't be stupid and caught up on wishful thinking...

Don't be stupid Aud!

The loser in me.

2010-04-11T00:04:00.004+08:00

There's a warning alarm going off in my head.
Try to put it out, every night before I go to bed.
The sign is clear, but my misty eyes fear,
What would happen if those thoughts come near.

I dare not move,
I dare not think,
I dare not fathom,
What it could mean.

"Push away everything", I said.
"You do not want to be hurt again".

I have no jurisdiction,
When my heart is set in motion,
When my mind is in submission,
When my soul is beyond reason.

Words seem to evaporate as they leave my lips.
A sudden tug, "Aud, don't let slip!"
The tingle almost takes me over,
Into ignorant bliss, forever.

And I almost said it out loud,
I nearly wanted to shout,
But I know, I'm to proud,
To bring my heart to my mouth.

"Be still, for this could end", I told myself.
"Be still, just pretend".

Know not how,
Know not why,
Know but not,
No, I'm too shy.

Bring the key and lock me up,
No, don't even spare me a cup.
I need this pain,
I need it now.
For all to gain,
For me to pout.

Show me the ropes that bind me down,
The ankle irons set at the ground.
I will not falter, I will not fall.
I'll try to make a fool out of it all.

And then, at the end,
I know I will lose,
For I am not meant to win,
I am not meant to smile,
Ever again.

ASL PartaaaY In The USA!!!! Woohoo!!!

2010-04-06T01:15:00.001+08:00

Learning ASL like this is quite fun.

Cries in a Distance

2010-04-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

Stormy Monday

2010-03-29T18:58:00.002+08:00

*I need to get a cable to transfer pictures I have been taking recently.

Bad mood.

I'm not sure why I accidentally think aloud sometimes. I'm actually afraid of what might slip out.

I don't really know what else to say.

It's just been a stormy Monday.

Imaginary Homelands

2010-03-24T15:01:00.003+08:00

For WRT2407 today, we kinda learned bout Imaginary Homelands cause we were doing Salman Rushdie's East, West.

The topic about post-colonialism had me wondering about how I see myself.

Of course I could have identified with the fact that I'm a hybrid entity because of the inter-marriage of my parents...but above all, I ended up being depressed about my identity in terms of gender.

Andrew's example is about how an Indian, no matter how they mimic the white, will never be white because of their color.

So, no matter how much I mimic the male gender, I will never quite be it.

Which is really sad.

In the world in my head, it's all prefect.

I'm a perfectly heterosexual guy trying to find a perfectly heterosexual girl.

My world despises homosexuality.

But, BANG! A slap in my face! I'm exactly what I despise.

Even worse, I 'may' or 'may not' be chosen as an ideal partner because of a lilBIG thing called gender.

Then again, I don't want to be with a gay partner....but, that would be exactly that, wouldn't it?

So, here I am running in circles and becoming more and more tired of chasing.

Long story short, I want someone to like me for just who I am...not WHAT I am. That in itself is an impossibility.

But in my head, it's perfect. Too perfect.

Not sure where all this is coming from but I'm depressed.

Learning literature has never caused someone's life...then again, I might just as well be the first.

At the back...

2010-03-11T14:33:00.002+08:00

Of my mind, is a thought.

Of the cupboard, is a cobweb.

Of my hand, is a scar.

Of this computer, is somone else.

Of my car, is another car.

Of my sandals, are dirt.

Of my bedpost, is a window.

Of my watch, is perspiration (however eww that sounds).

Of me, there's nothing.

When...

2010-02-25T22:34:00.003+08:00

...the grass is cut after rainfall; the smell entices.

...I clean my ear after a shower; the satisfaction is unmeasurable.

...the scissors cuts into a fresh piece of construction paper; the crunching sound is addictive.

...my finger runs across the sole of my feet; the tingles are pleasant.

...the first bite of pizza is bitten off; the pas de deux taste of cheese and paperoni burst out.

...I know; my heart skips a beat.

Somewhere in between.

2010-02-20T21:02:00.001+08:00

i can't be losing sleep over this
no, i can't
and i cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
and i'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

'cause i cannot stand still
i can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning i'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
i wish that it was just that easy

'cause i'm waiting for tonight
then waiting for tomorrow
and i'm sowehere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if i fall
out of what i fell in
don't be surprised if i collapse down at your feet again
i don't want to run away from this
i know that i just don't need this

'cause i cannot stand still
i can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

'cause i'm waiting for tonight
then waiting for tomorrow
and i'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream

what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

Bittersweet.

2010-02-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

In exactly 11 days, my very, very long break would have been over and the first day of classes would have commenced.

108 days of doing nothing but reading, sleeping, watching TV, accompanying mom and just plain lazing around.

In December, I couldn't wait to get back to Monash because boredom had set in.

In January, I felt that another month of lazing around would be just nice.

Today, I kinda wish I had an extra week off.

In a way, I'm happy I guess, to get back to studying and actually being productive.

In a way, I'm sad that I didn't fully utilize my break and just spent it at home.

Bittersweet indeed.

Mom is gonna miss me so.

And I'm gonna miss coffee sessions with mom.

The study ahead would either make me, or break me.

I hope all turns out well.

Nobody but you Mixtape

2010-02-06T02:28:00.004+08:00

Yes Mabel, somethings wrong with me.

These two songs keep playing in my head!

This and the following.

Day out with mom.

2010-02-05T21:30:00.003+08:00

Today, my mom said, I was yelling in my sleep, "I found a 4 leaf clover! I found a 4 leaf clover!"

It should mean good luck right?

Let's see how the events of the day unfolded.

Firstly, I got my allowance.

So off to Gurney Plaza to buy a pair of trainers cause mine has the sole flapping like an alligator.

I saw one which I kinda liked but put off buying it cause I KNOW that I would find something nicer and regret.

Lunch, Chilli's.

I'm not sure why, but mom loves the Cajun Club Sandwich at Chilli's. So we had to drop by to fill my mom's tum. We kinda shared the sandwich cause it was too filling de.

Had bottomless orange juice to go with it.

We resumed our hunt for a pair of trainers when I came across a pair of sandals. Mine was slowly disintegrating before my eyes so mom kinda urged me to get one.

Here's all my old slippers from left to right,

2007 Birkenstock Pisa - RM 279

2008 Crocs - RM 179

2009 Bata - RM 26.90

2009 Rip Curl - RM 40

2010 Teva - RM161

The winner of all those is...

BATA! And the cheapest too!

Sadly, no more de, if not would just get that.

We left Gurney and headed home when I realised, I just finished Watchmen and I need something to read tonight.

Off to Borders.

And after a grueling 4 hours of choosing books, Kurt Vonnegut's Hocus Pocus was the choice.

RM 33.90 at Borders

Lately, I've been a little worried about someone.

I don't like to see people hurt.

Even though they're hurting themselves.

I shall teach you how to tune out.

I learned it sometime back.

It's been a semi-lucky day.

KL: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday

2010-02-04T22:29:00.003+08:00

Abe.

I beat Bonnie every time I played. Lol! She was frustrated.

She beat Abe every time.

Was a good weekend.

你是我最深爱的人

2010-02-04T22:10:00.001+08:00

Love this song.

Delusions of Grandeur

2010-02-04T17:24:00.005+08:00

Dealing with Bipolar Disorder for the past year and a half has had my eyes opened to certain 'symptoms' that the disorder arrives with.

For instance during a manic episode:

Sleeping patterns are screwed up. Too much energy with too little sleep.
Restlessness. Having to do something to work off the extra energy.
Too chatty. The mouth runs faster than the brain.
Getting distracted by sounds of words.
Hypersexuality.
Spending sprees. Buying books on a daily basis.
Racing thoughts. Like trying to count the cabins on an express train. Can't really lock on to a certain thought.
Exaggerated plans like "Fuck the world, let's move to Greece and write a novel."
Irritability and hostility.
Increased zeal.
Wearing brightly colored clothing:- My bright yellow shorts.
Delusions of grandeur. Thinking one is famous, publicly important or is a god.

During depressive episodes:

Distinctly low or irritable mood.
Lost of interest or pleasure.
Eating more or less than normal. Or not eating at all.
Weight gain or loss.
Sleeping more or less than normal.
Appearing slow or agitated.
Fatigue and loss of energy.
Feeling worthless or guilty.
Poor concentration.
Indecisiveness.
Thoughts of death, suicide attempts or plans.

Now which phase am I in?

I would think Manic Phase.

For the past few days all I want to do is to runaway to Greece and write a novel.

Why?

I don't know. Because I think I can.

Damn!

I can't decide if I should head to the gym later.

Did I mention?

I joined Fitness First. =)

I joined it. Then went to Sunway the next day. Just came back on Tuesday and I haven't yet used my privilege as a club member.

Too caught up with Watchmen.

But, I feel like writing.

Hmm...

Sigh. Now I'm restless!!!

I wanna go shopping!!!

But, I'm too lazy to leave the house!!!

I need someone to ask me out for coffee.

I'm an ant killer.

GARH!!!!!!

Watchmen & The Great Gatsby & Teluk Bayan

2010-02-03T22:42:00.007+08:00

In small print it was written:

Manga & Graphic Novels are collectible items. Shrink-wrapped copies are strictly FOR SALE only.

So, imagine the excitement I got when I picked up the well acclaimed graphic novel and took it to the counter.

The last graphic novel I bought was Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition (Dark Horse Collection) [Deluxe Edition] (Paperback) back in 1997. Still have it but very lazy to take pictures of it.

Now, 13 years later, I just purchased Watchmen, a book that "...changed an industry and challenged a medium."

RM 69.90 at Borders.

I've got a couple of chapters of The Great Gatsby left and then I'm gonna dive into a world of colored pages and speech bubbles. =)

On a different note, Teluk Bayan is now opposite the area where I live. It has, according to the lok-lok lady, too many stalls and not enough seats. I have to add, there's not enough parking spaces too.

However, all our favourite food is there with a new look. Bomb-rice man said hi.

So, Teluk Bayan or 'Terima Kasih' as we used to call in our college days, is now opposite Public Bank at Sg. Nibong where Golden Bay Restaurant used to stand.

I want to...

2010-02-03T15:56:00.002+08:00

Runaway to a far-off land.

Sip beer in the morning while watching the tide come in.

Read a book a day.

Make lunch.

Get some writing done.

Hike up a nearby hill to watch the sunset.

Hike back down.

Go fishing.

Grill the fish with a little salt for dinner.

Sip wine in the moonlight.

Have my feet buried in the sand.

Fall asleep on a deck chair.

Repeat.

Tranq

2010-02-02T23:54:00.004+08:00

K, as it's known on the street, has had me wondering a little.

Sometimes I look at myself from the outside and wonder, woah, where did I take that wrong turn?

There I was, green on one side of the table and white on the other.

I turned to another table and gulped some yellow liquid.

I watched the rest.

I lit up a cigarette.

They were ranting.

Theories of all sorts were being thrown across the room.

I lit another cigarette and took a swig at the can of Luxus Beer.

I had 3 sticks left.

J was being passed around.

Round and round the circle it goes, where it stops, nobody knows.

Some were coughing their lungs out.

The density of the smoke-filled room had my eyes watery.

Damn! I burnt my finger from accidentally holding the wrong end of my cigarette.

It was like a dream.

The people, the events and the beer.

Man, the beer tasted sweet.

RM6 only.

The dollar note was rolled into a nice cone.

Scarface was on tv.

I took a look around.

I suddenly had food in my hand.

It disappeared into my stomach.

The sky was turning dark.

It was raining as well.

I stood up.

Bid adieu.

Looked around.

Is this really how I want my life to end up?

I need new friends.

Obake-Ya; The Jail Restaurant

2010-01-27T02:13:00.007+08:00

RM9.90 for Set-Lunch!

Yeah it caught my eye as I drove around looking for food with my mother.

Being a typical Malaysian...furthermore a Penangite, food is best at the cheapest.

So, there we were driving along Leith Street when we saw the banner.

I've always wanted to check out the 'Jail' concept restaurant but never really did until I chanced upon it.

RM 9.90 is reasonable.

As we approached, the humble 'jail warden' welcomed us in a very mumbled Japanese.

Sigh, I've had a meal at the Toilet-Bowl restaurant at Queensbay once and got admitted for food poisoning, so you can imagine my fear of being hauled to jail once I set foot into a 'jail' restaurant.

To the left was an over-sized wooden chair with a very tacky 'headpiece ' made of metalic cardboard.

The 'Electric' Chair!

Immediately as we stepped in, we were handed an over-sized, red, plastic cup in which our chopsticks, spoons and serviettes were served in.

We had to carry it in ala 'jail-toiletries' style.

The ashtray was the most amusing thing, I have to be honest.

A little while later, our cold oocha came in the same plastic, red cups.

The only thing refined bout it was that, it had a straw in it.

How it tasted?

Like WATER!

I kid you not.

It was like drinking Iced-Water.

The food finally came after a 15 minute wait.

Served, again, jail-style!

Mine was the Yakitori Jail set.

It came with fried rice, a salad of some sort, miso soup, my japanese satay, two spear-heads of watermelon and CREAM CRACKERS!!!

Sigh...Seriously....CREAM CRACKERS!

The fried-rice was like kopi-tiam wan but less taste.

Miso soup was diluted.

Yakitori was ok la...drenched in sauce so, it tasted like...sauce.

Mom's Curry Katsu set was not bad.

The curry was the standard 'buy-from-supermarket-add-water-and-heat'.

They surprisingly DID NOT serve JAPANESE RICE.

It was the plain, normal rice.

Tasteless, I have to add.

Yes, it came with CREAM CRACKERS TOO!

Mom happily chomped down her food and said....

"Audrey, first and last time."

Then she continued chomping.

Mom is kind of a drink nut. She can only be satisfied by a hot cup of coffee or Coke Lite.

We didn't take our chances with the coffee and ordered Coke Lite instead.

It was served in a BEAKER!

Innovative-nye.

But, I can't seem to connect it with the overall 'jail' concept.

Unless they were carrying out experiments on humans in that particular jail.

Here's mom's food.

It's cool that the tables were in a cubicle style.

There are rooms with have jail bars as doors. Those are private rooms.

You could choose from a few types of felony.

Arson and Bigamy seemed the nicest.

Oh, their condiments are nicely placed in a hollowed part of the wall of your chosen jail room.

I did say that the ashtray was the best feature.

This is how the rest of the place looks like.

It deserves a single star.

Truthfully, and in all honesty, it's a place worth visiting.

But not for good food.

Maybe the 'Jail Set Lunch' was supposed to give us a real jail experience...BAD FOOD.

So, Obake-Ya, you failed my mother's and my own critique.

Any Japanese restaurant could beat them hands down.

Concept, was cool. Especially the shaking bridge you would have to cross to get to the WC.

Shaking Bridge is not good for old people.

I was worried mom would fall so she had to hold her bladder till we got to the hospital where my dad was parked for a few days due to a testicle injury.

Oh, drinks are expensive there too.

It almost comes as a surprise that it still is in business.

Mom said,

"Let's never eat in jail ever again!"

Found some of my favourite Hokkien Songs =)

2010-01-18T05:17:00.004+08:00

One Step English Lesson

2010-01-12T23:29:00.002+08:00

Sharing the laughter from Sir Desmond Foo.

Saturday and Gin's KFC kung fu lookalike!

2010-01-10T03:41:00.007+08:00

Ah...what a superb day.

I finally finished watching Nodame Cantabile and Paris.

I finished Jack London's Call of the Wild, Diable - A Dog, An Odyssey of the North, To the Man on Trail, To Build a Fire and Love of Life.

I'm somewhere in the middle of Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore.

Was invited for a game of tennis.

Seriously, Gin looks like the guy in white in the KFC Zinger Tower kung fu advertisement.

Click here for the video to compare.

Leon, Gin and I spent our last few minutes on the court taking pictures to prove we were hard at work.

Gaya man the service.

Gaya ada. Service, sometimes ada sometimes tak ada.

Here's another one of the guys.

And finally ME! and Leon...but ME!

After tennis we had dinner at the club.

RM4 for fried rice with napkins and glasses of water.

It's a good deal! =)

Thanks Gin!

I came home to 'serve' my Spitfire Roasted Chicken on Cafeworld (Don't ask me how I got started!)

Mabel and I had a laugh over it cause I could only go out after I served it. If not...wasted.

Then to our soon-becoming regular watering hole at OXO (we pronounce it SockSock)

OH! I got my Christmas and Birthday gift from Mabel.

The lesson I learnt was, never ask for anything when you're half asleep.

Apparently I asked for everything with marshmallows and I got it!

Saving grace, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!

And for the SECOND time only in Mabel's two years as a waitress-in-the-air, I got my second carton of cigarettes.

TOBACCO SERIOUSLY DAMAGES HEALTH!

At least the packaging doesn't have hideous, put-offing pictures of eerrrgghly gangrene foot, mouth cancer, black lungs, throat cancer, miscarriage babies and premature babies.

THANKS MABEL!!!

On a different note.

I found an old picture of me in Form 5 wearing....

wait for it....

wait for it...

A Saree!

I must add, never again will you see this.

-----

Just something I needed to add...

I saw a picture of you.

You looked happy.

It hurts.

Wish I was still a part of your life.

The one who makes you smile.

I miss you.

Always.

1 Malaysia?

2010-01-09T01:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, 3 churches fell victim to Molotov yielding motorcyclists.

The mens rea? The word 'Allah' is a sacred word that can only used by Muslims.

A dead writer once wrote: - A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. -Shakespeare's famous Romeo and Juliet.

So, can't the God of the Bible, the God of Christians and the God of Muslims come together and celebrate the similarities of their religion. The same God whom at one time was indeed called Allah. It's a Hebrew word for Gods sake!

Malaysia is not just multi-cultural, multi-lingual but also has many religions.

So, we can achieve 1 Malaysia if we all become accommodating.

Like it's shown us...certain religions can;t comprehend that.

Lesser mortals learn slower.

La Lala La Lala La Lalalala!

2010-01-08T01:27:00.005+08:00

SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER! SHUUUUNNN! SHUUuuuuuuuuNnnnna!

Ok, everyone knows I have ISSUES. So this next post will seem very me...

Buuutttt, Deepak showed me this when we were stoned. Ok, I was stoned! Grr! Luckily I did not end up with my kidney out!

Anyway, it's still as funny when I'm super sober and a little insomniac.

Unicorns never interested me before this...Nop! Not even 'My Little Pony'.

Seriously, I think people come up with ideas when they're stoned. Bizarre ideas no sober person could come up with.

Watch all four!

Alternatively, visit here.

Enjoy!

Who has the right of way?

2010-01-07T01:35:00.004+08:00

Ok ok...IGNORE the horrible drawing but this is something that's been annoying me for quite a bit.

Lately, certain rules on the road have been misunderstood by many. This may cause unwanted accidents.

I, for instance nearly got into a bad accident. Safe for my super-quick reflexes, I dodged it.

Now, my car was Car No. 2.

I stopped behind the line, I looked to the right, looked to the left then saw all was clear, made my way to the other side to position Car No. 1

But some bloody ex-con looking, druggie-faced and rotten kancil fella at position Car No. 1 just zoomed across merely missing my car by an inch (again, gotta thank my quick reflexes).

Recently, the line for position 1 has been pulled back a notch to show that "If you wanna turn right, stop behind this line first, let the car on the right junction go, then only it's your turn.

THE PERSON ON THE RIGHT HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!

Seriously, is it that hard to comprehend?

Sigh, anyway, the line shows clearly that if you're in position 1, you're obviously after position 2 cause THAT LINE HAS BEEN MOVED BACK!!!

Arseholes I tell you! Fucking brainless arseholes!

After a horribly funny song...I'm gonna post an old, but relevant song.

2010-01-07T01:13:00.002+08:00

Cancer by My Chemical Romance

Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers still
I will not kiss you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

Now turn away
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hair's abandoned off my body
OH my agony
Know that I will never marry,
Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

That if you say
Goodbye today
I'd ask you to be true
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

Christian Side Hug is Bullshit!

2010-01-04T19:13:00.007+08:00

FUCK!?! WTH is a Side Hug?

Is it the kinda hug you pretend to give in a cinema?

You know the:

1. Stretch arm onto the other persons side.

2. Relax

3. Put arm on her shoulder.

Seriously, the Bible didn't complicate matters. In fact when families met, they embraced each other!

So, why come up with a stupid song regarding abstinence by 'side-hugging'?

Seriously, the funniest part is, the song has got everything wrong about it.

Let's analyse.

Lyrics to Christian Side Hug

(gun shots, sirens)
Are they promoting shooting?
Oh yeah!
Hands Up!
2009!
What’s up Ladies and Gentlemen?
Ya’ll ready to party up in here?
(chorus)
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
I’m a rough rider (Encouraging us to be thugs?)
Filled up with Christ’s love
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
(rapper 1)
Hoopties are the EG rule so
Pay attention, it’s essential
This ain’t no front hug zone
You ain’t that fly, you ain’t my jones(?)
Stop! and listen
No front hugs and no kissin’
I ain’t that scared to call yo’ mama
You’ll be ridin’ home wit a coma (So....don't hug or they'll violently bash you into a coma...hmm...)
I got my crew (Samseng Kia!)
You ain’t got nothin
Follow these rules
‘Cuz D ain’t bluffin
Now ah, you ain’t no rabbi
You ain’t no priest (Way too funny! Only rabbis and priests can front hug cause they...are allowed to be perverse? or cause they have no sexual urges? or eunuchs?)
So rise up off me
Like the (garbled) with no piece
Now ah, don’t use that front hug, boy (Anti-gay movement?)
That (garbled)
That’s inappropriate
You back up off her ‘cuz
We wanna keep our minds pure
Wanna keep away from sin
That means it’s you too girl
(garbled) arms around him (Ok...so...once we 'front-hug' somehow we'll end up committing sin. Wow!)
(chorus)
(chorus)
(rapper 2)
We be walkin’ like
We be talkin’ like
We be side huggin’
Every day and night (Hmm...like Siamese twins?)
It’s how we do, boo
This ain’t no club (Yes...sigh, apparently clubbers only hug...)
So don’t be hatin’ on me when I show no love (1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.)
We livin’ holy
It ain’t no thing
So put your hands in the air and let that shoulder hang (Taking opportunity only these fellas! Pretend la...nothing wan mah, Christian Side Hug YO!)
I’m goin’ global
‘Cuz you don’t know me
I’m buyin’ babies like Angelina Jolie (Sigh, at least she gives homes to orphans instead of worrying about having sex with everyone she hugs!)
So quit that huggin’
And slow down mama
And hit my fist like President Obama
Now, Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
(I think they were talking in tongues la the last few lyrics.)
(chorus)
(chorus)
(rapper 3)
I’m a married man
You know I can hold hands
Front hug all day long (Seriously, teen marriage is NOT advisable.)
With no other demands
But as for all of you
Until you say “I do”
No front huggin’ or PDA (iPhone? Argh...I know, I know...that was lame but...so's their lyrics!)
Or EG time is through
But some of ya’ll is slick
Try to pull this trick
Your hug starts from the side
But soon it turns legit (Hmm..doesn't 'legit' mean 'legal'?)
So if you end up here
Then go ahead and scream it:
“When I hug people I leave room for the Holy Spirit” (Wah! Scary man! Got spirit in between people!)
If a girl walks up
With her arms spread wide
And she’s front hug bound
With that look in her eyes (I never knew girls eye signals were to blame for a guys erection...hmm...*shrugs* now we know!)
You’d better
Turn to the side
Pat her on the back
Jesus never hugged nobody like that! (Sure bout that?)
Screamin’! (PONTIANAK!)
(chorus)
(chorus)
(gun shots, breaking glass, everyone falls down)
Seriously, they're promoting drive-by shooting la.
-_-
Anyway, here's the video of the song. If you notice, grabbing their crotch while singing is...apparently ok...not suggestive at all...nop, no, no, no!

Enjoy!
And the next time I see you, let's side-hug, just for laughs!

Muslim Demographic

2010-01-04T17:45:00.006+08:00

There are currently 52 Million Muslims in Europe!

When I'm 50, there's gonna be possibly 104 Million Muslims all over Europe.

So forget about the Al Qaeda.

Forget the fear of terrorism.

Continue with whatever culture we have left.

Hokkiens, for your cultures sake, learn the language.

Buddhist, for your teachings sake, continue the teachings.

Hindus, for Krishna's sake, bring up your children in the ways of the Sanskrit.

Christians, put your kids in Sunday School even if you don't really want to.

Once you go Muslim, you don't go back.

Malaysia's multicultural. Let's continue to make it that way.

I'm not against Islam. But, where's the variation if everyone follows the way of the Qu'ran?

And Christians, don't be fanatical.

Wedding Dress by Taeyang

2010-01-04T02:13:00.002+08:00

Des first introduced me to this song but just now Hui Li showed me one with English Subs.

Now, the song's more meaningful.

By the way, I lurve my new blog template! =D

Let's catch the wave when it comes.

2010-01-03T20:52:00.004+08:00

Getting used to the constant connectivity of MSN, Facebook and Twitter had been hard enough. Now, Google has something that's gonna either be super great or super annoying. Introducing, Google Wave.

Watch this movie-length demo.

I wanna catch the Wave too!

Tennis

2010-01-03T04:00:00.003+08:00

After God knows how long, I finally picked up a tennis racket at Young Ones for RM 169.

It's a recreational racket that's dubbed, "Wilson Roger Federer Grand Slam Limited Edition".

Headed up to PSC and joined Leon and Gin.

Lol! I must have been the clown there, trying to get used to the new racket when only a month ago I was playing with my old Wilson. (Will take a photo of both tomorrow)

Anyway, the sweating was good but the fact that my balls weren't spot on...was disappointing, to say the least.

The racket is super light!

I used all my energy and landed a ball outside the fence....

Serves were ok....but was obvious that I was as rusty as ever.

Hope la I'll get a second invite. *FINGERS CROSSED*

Came home to show mom the racket, she was shocked at how light tennis rackets are now.

Used to be so heavy!

Oh well, hopefully it'll be put to use more than once.

Bring back the year...

2009-12-30T01:31:00.002+08:00

One, Two...Three and it goes,

FLASH!, and we pose,

Laugh, and the host,

Makes it the most.

Year after year,

Everyone dear,

Toast with a mug of beer,

Usher in the New Year.

Should all acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind,

Should all acquaintance not be forgot,

Drown the collected sorrows with wine.

The countdown has started,

That person just farted,

All of us light hearted,

Sing that song most heard.

Auld Lang Syne,

Time goes by,

Bring back the year,

Not just the memory to bear.

Sigh...

2009-12-25T02:56:00.003+08:00

Merry Fucking Christmas!

And A Happy Fucking 26th Birthday!

Tell me when the the New Year comes so I can wish everyone

A Happy Fucking New Year!

24th December 2009

2009-12-24T21:29:00.003+08:00

It's altogether a long day and a short one.

The gardener came to cut the grass so it's nice and tidy.

I slept.

I woke up.

I heard somethings.

I forced myself to sleep again.

I woke up.

Pee.

I tried sleeping.

Too much on my mind.

I changed my blog template to something simple.

My mind cleared a little.

I went back to sleep.

I dreamed.

I woke up.

I made a phone call.

Things are flooding back into my mind.

I'm going to shower now.

Then, sleep.

Don't wanna wake up.

Old Song...Nice Song

2009-12-24T01:08:00.002+08:00

How Can I Tell You

How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
But I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you, but my words
Just blow away, just blow away
It always ends up to one thing, honey
And I can't think of right words to say
Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there
Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you
I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that
You can't hear, sad that you can't hear
It always ends up to one thing, honey,
When I look and you're not there
I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you
Feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore
And - each night and day I pray, in hope
That I might find you, in hope that I might
Find you, because heart's can do no more
It always ends up to one thing honey, still I kneel upon the floor
How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
But I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you....
It always ends up to one thing honey
And I can't think of right words to say

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

2009-12-23T20:04:00.002+08:00

For the past 3 days, been waking up with a numb hand.

Can't even make a fist.

Sigh...just when I thought my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on my left hand is nothing to worry bout...it comes back worst than ever.

Could it be the ring on my finger?

Pain pain!

Should I get the surgery done?

I wanna be like this!

2009-12-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

Cheap Tequila Loves Me Even If You Don't

2009-12-21T21:11:00.003+08:00

After taking my meds last night, I broke down.

Went to 'Happy Mart' and got myself a cheap bottle of tequila, Sprite, ice and cigars (I'm not even sure why I bought the cigars!)

Was thinking of another bottle...good one la.

Tequila loves me even if you don't.

I can't come up with a title for this... I just know it's gonna be a long night.

2009-12-21T02:34:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas...I guess.

In Disgust!

2009-12-21T02:24:00.002+08:00

Why did the baby snail cross the porch?

Cause it's mummy was on the other side!

I found this colony of snails...

Too many de!

Eeeeee!!!!

The two on the left are making more snails!

Are snails a good sign???

Need to cut the grass de...

Just...

2009-12-20T22:58:00.002+08:00

There's just something bout 19-year-olds...no?

I think it's the year that they're born.

Very confusing young lot.

Lol!

Deepak...freakdar!

In all honesty...

2009-12-19T02:04:00.005+08:00

After a month of just hanging out at home, reading and basically catching up on sleep, I went out on Thursday.

Deepak and I met up at Northham Beach and had a bucket of BIG bottles of Tiger and Taiwan Sausages. *Yum!*

WTH! It started to rain a lil so...we took our party to Martini Cafe along Gurney Drive.

Two more buckets of Tiger and a few rounds of Choh Dai Di. Lol. Deepak kept loosing. Told him only Chinese can win at Chinese games.

Jimmy was there and he attended to us and had a couple of drinks with us. Quite nice la since I haven't seen him in ages.

All in all...I think I drink too much!

Deepak and I were the only 'brown' skinned people there!

OH! And I sang a song during their 'turn' karaoke session. LOL!

Yesterday, met up with Calvin, Andrew and Zen or San or....grr...dunno her name la...from KL.

We went to Martini again. It's always nice to go somewhere where you know the workers.

Sega's is...a lil different I would presume cause it's been a year and all the old workers aren't there anymore.

Pictures are on Facebook. Calvin's camera. =)

But on my way back to my car I saw something I absolutely hate.

A SNAIL!

In all honesty...I'm afraid of those things. It not only disgusts me...it downright scares me!

I had to climb over the fella to get to my car...grr...

When I reached home...I saw another one as I opened my gate!

When I got down...I saw a whole family of about 12 from mini sized to full grown sized.

They were camping underneath a letter that was blown to the lawn by the wind.

Who cares bout some old stupid letter!

I grabbed it and flung it out into the drain outside.

Seriously...I hate snails...except when I'm eating them.

They are freaky! Like leaches with protection!

Grr!

Oh, I like this song...somehow the Chinese version seems nicer than the original.

I just realized...

2009-12-18T14:16:00.002+08:00

I have no recollection of yesterday after my meds.

Apparently, I blogged...

I wrote even...

Poetry and prose...

But I can't remember what of...

I'm cracking my head now to decipher my own writing.

Sigh...

What in the world was I writing about?!?!

It's official...I am two people in one.

It's official....

I have the ability to confuse myself!

In darkness I write.

2009-12-18T05:20:00.004+08:00

I guess I toppled.

Without intention.

Dropping everyday.

Inches turning into feet into yards into miles.

Veil my objective.

Bury my purpose.

I shy away from thy glances.

Take cover from bombardment,

Cloudy is my mind.

Blur, my sight.

I toast to you,

Oh princess of the night.

My mind slips into endless wander,

Of possibilities,

Of splendor.

Pluck a stalk,

I would give you a bouquet,

Twas the night,

In my arms you lay.

Shut my eyes,

In an endless daze.

I could outline your silhouette,

End up in a continuous craze.

My eyes,

They burn so,

Sulfuric acid,

Trickling down without control.

Come forth,

Into the light,

I plead with thee.

The call of the night entices,

My throbbing head invites,

I lay down,

Close my eyes.

I, in desperation, hauntingly need you,

I, in utter commitment, would hold you.

I, extravagance, I lay down on the floor,

I, am me, only yours, to be.

Make haste, bury thy scepter through my affection,

Bleed it not, bleed, let it flow.

I, I could embrace your magnificence,

Let it be...my dear...let it be.

Come Back To Me

2009-12-15T23:33:00.004+08:00

I wish I had this song to sing to you when you told me you lost yourself.

If only I was as understanding.

The song is a year late.

Click here for the original mv.

Come Back To Me - David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

Occupied for 3 days.

2009-12-15T17:45:00.004+08:00

One has to love BORDERS for their 3 for 2 offer.

1. The Last Secret Of The Temple by Paul Sussman. -RM 35.90

2. The Lost Army Of Cambyses by Paul Sussman. - RM 35.90

3. For One More Day by Mitch Albom. - RM32.95

After some adjustments...

RM71.80 for 3 books which simply means, I'm gonna zone out for 3 days and disappear into the book pages.

The rest of the books on offer were chick-lits. Can't stand them. Won't stand them.

Once I'm done with these 3...gonna get Sherlock Holmes complete for RM 106.

Boy, am I happy!

I know what it's like.

2009-12-15T14:53:00.005+08:00

To just try to put it all behind and pretend it doesn't exist.

To forget.

To hurt.

The want to protect it from further harm.

The pain.

The seeming numbness.

Helplessness.

Hopelessness.

Hell.

But, I also know what's like to let the walls come down.

And it isn't as bad as you think it might be.

May I see?

Puzzle

2009-12-14T14:35:00.005+08:00

Inspired by csy's post.

So, everyone carries around half a heart.

Sometimes, the two halves don't fit, but we force them to fit by cutting off a little here and scotch taping a little there so it would look like one whole heart.

In the process, we lose snippets of our heart and gain sticky tape or 'additions' to our heart which is not durable and melts when things get heated up.

We lose sight of who we really are because of the changes we made to accommodate the other piece. And the person we portray melts when arguments arise because...it was never part of ourselves in the first place...just sticky tape to make sure the two pieces seem like one whole.

When the glue melts and the pieces come apart, we're left with missing snippets and another half to find.

Other times, we find the perfect fit for our half. But then, fear takes over. It's too perfect.

You begin to wonder if it's right or it's wrong.

What would people say?

What if it falls apart?

What if it only looks like a perfect fit but actually adjustments have been made?

It really shouldn't be that easy...right?

What if it fits but you ruin it?

What if the piece that fits does not want to fit in with your piece?

Then the opportunity would pass.

And once again, there's half a heart to find.

And then again, sometimes, we find that perfect half that was looking for your half.

If we're lucky.

If we're REALLY lucky!

Innermost.

2009-12-14T12:45:00.002+08:00

Hush...

The slightest breath passes your lips,

Taking form of promises,

To make or to break.

Hush...

The tiny fluttering wings of excitement,

Developing into something,

Anything.

Hush...

Be still o' heart,

Compose thy figure,

Don't fall apart.

Hush...

Twice shy,

Three times,

Fear.

Hush...

I am always here,

I always was,

And ever will be.

Hush...

Ok, this is hard and scary...

2009-12-14T04:39:00.002+08:00

I do think of you.

But, I'm afraid to think of the possibilities.

Come

2009-12-10T16:47:00.001+08:00

Fly with me...

Let's fly...

Let's fly away!

Listening to 'My December' by Linkin Park.

I have to admit something...

2009-12-08T23:56:00.004+08:00

I think I'm addicted to 'So You Think You Can Dance 2008'.

I keep watching it over and over and making sure I post them here so I'll never forget.

Here's another one I like.

And another.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

2009-12-08T21:56:00.003+08:00

An awesome song...

An awesome choreography...

An awesome rendition...

And many a times,

I wake up this way...

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Baby won't you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

I want...

2009-12-04T01:57:00.001+08:00

Maybe...

2009-12-04T01:11:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to handle this.

Maybe...

I need time.

Maybe...

You really hurt me.

Maybe...

I will never recover.

Maybe...

These people can really dance!

2009-12-01T23:47:00.006+08:00

Lost...

2009-12-01T00:15:00.003+08:00

I don't really know what to do about the situation.

On one hand, I would hate to make it worse.

On the other hand...

Oh well, if only someone would tell me what to do.

I'm useless on my own.

It's December again.

A time of love, warmth and joy.

A time of laughter, food and presents.

For me, it would forever be a time of sadness.

I think I should sleep my December away.

On a completely different topic...I wrote a new song.

But, it lacks something.

It lacks a lot.

I think I have finally forgotten how to feel.

*Shrugs*

The Little Box In The Backyard

2009-11-29T22:58:00.004+08:00

Hidden beneath the shadow of trees,

A little box lay.

Out of sight from the prying eye,

But, obvious enough to known it was there.

It was small,

It could fit in one’s palm.

It was shiny,

It was locked away, protecting the inside from harm.

No, there was no key,

It opened at will.

Every time the inside looks different,

Different sides,

For different occasions.

Inside lay, a small beating heart,

Bruised from the years,

Some parts thorn apart.

A strong feeling to keep it,

A strong feeling to hold,

A strong feeling to touch it,

To keep it from the cold.

The little box in the backyard,

Would you open for me,

For ever? Ever more?

I wish...

2009-11-29T14:59:00.002+08:00

I could change everything for you,

Make you smile,

Keep you safe,

Brighten your day,

And just be there for you.

But, would you let me?

A Mind-Full

2009-11-29T00:32:00.004+08:00

Why is it that everyone who talks to me, falls asleep on the phone?

How did termites end up in my house?

When did my air-conditioner start leaking?

Why does my grass grow so fast?

Why do the TNB people have to dig right in front of my gate?

What can I do to make you see things the way I do?

Who are you?

Where shall we go when you come here?

Do you understand where I'm coming from?

Why does my knee hurt so much?

Will the exterminator charge an arm and a leg?

Do I need a new table?

Am I stupid for starting so early?

Despite all the questions, I only have one real question.

Should I ask it?

Question.

2009-11-27T21:24:00.001+08:00

Dinner and a movie?

Dulux Happy Walls

2009-11-27T18:18:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to this advert!

Happy walls make happy homes.

Happy homes make happy people.

Happy people...are HAPPY!

Question.

2009-11-27T03:19:00.002+08:00

Should I drink myself to a stupor?

I think the occasion calls for it.

Should I drink till I can forget this moment?

I think the circumstance calls for it.

In Contrast

2009-11-26T23:53:00.003+08:00

Vacant my intelligence,

Slowly propels away.

An allusion of my stance,

In silence concealed and gone astray.

Judge me not,

Judge not what I say.

For lone is my core,

Lone no more, I pray.

In the obscurity of a hushed night,

I caught a glimpse of what could be.

A mere hopefulness,

Of existing with thee.

Enveloped but by your attendance,

Enclosed, but free.

I pine for affection,

Only you can give me.

This aching,

I feel but cannot touch.

This yearning,

I am content, but not that much.

Somewhere, in the cavernous pit of my heart,

Your silhouette I see,

But no, it is not such.

Embrace my hand,

Embrace it so…

No, I would not let go,

I swear to not let go.

The finale is upon us,

The hourglass goes dry,

This about this suggestion,

And I bid you goodnight.

Hint: Shakespeare

2009-11-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

XV/5/2

LXIII/1/7

CXLIX/13/9

LVII/11/5

I laughed way too much!

2009-11-26T13:24:00.001+08:00

I know this video is old but only yesterday Mabel showed it too me.

Damn funny lor.

Addictive, bubbly, happy songs are...nice.

2009-11-24T22:06:00.003+08:00

Just now Mabel and I were listening to the radio and this song came on. Apparently, according to her Highness, the prerequisite to listening to a song is to 'know how to sing it'. So, nah Mabel...I'm learning to sing it so I can listen to it.

Colbie Caillat - Fallin’ For You Lyrics

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me

I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you (x2)

I’m fallin’ for you

Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you